I don't really enjoy making threads here, because I always feel like I'm not active enough to pass any judgment at all about this place.
But I thought that maybe this would be helpful for those that want to decrease the exclusivity vibe that's been mentioned several times lately.

I want to mention that making threads asking where certain people are when they haven't posted in a week unintentionally places a member above other members that no one seems to care or wonder about.
This is coming from a person who feels like she doesn't belong at all, which is mostly my fault for not actively participating in whatever you do on this forum and instead watching and enjoying Regina with you in silence. You may not see the problem, but I'm just letting you know as an onlooker that if I feel discouraged by it, then someone else probably is, too, so it's a problem that should be fixed so everyone can be happy, yeah?

I'm just saying that they aren't needed, and though they are with good intention...they do more bad than good, in my opinion. Unless someone can explain the real significance of them...then, yeah.

It's Kaylee.

I exaggerated with the caring part - the real point is that there isn't a need for them.

Those topics are off-the-cuff conversational it's questionable wether they warrant an entire thread that will live forever on this here Brümstix. Considering that this place is an unmoderated mess already, it's not exactly a needed addition to the clutter. (Kudos to people like Rawin who created the massive themed threads to stem that problem when it began to crop up)

As for the "Where is so-and-so" threads - I feel where you're coming from and I can understand why you may feel like more of an outsider because of such topics. For the record, I disappear all the time, and as far as I know, I've never been the star of my own 'being missed' thread (thanks stixers). If you don't post very often though, then you are effectively choosing a more 'outsider' role...

In fairness, when an online friend vanishes, it's completely valid for others to wonder where they have gone to - especially if they are a positive contributor to the community. What if someone had died and was never heard from again? (This is the kind of thing that I often think about with internet friendships) Would it still be inappropriate to question where they've gone?

I believe that this issue may fall somewhere between not holding a door for a stranger at the mall, and crossing an intersection when the don't walk indicator is lit. It's potentially wrong, but the perpetrator is also potentially oblivious to any wrongdoing. If it seems that harm was not intentional, then perhaps it should be overlooked along with all of those other things that make you go "don't you just hate when people do that". Live and let live. Embody your own values and hope that others will see the err in their ways through common sense and experience. I know this is asking a lot when it comes to the general public, but it's easier than getting upset about the little things.

PS - I find most threads that won't be relevant at a later date a bit annoying too, but I don't hold it against the people that post them :-)

That's why I hate posting anything, because it's all a contribution to the clutter. I thought this might be important enough to me, at least, to warrant one thread.

I already said that I'm not active, so I've made myself an outsider. I'm just bringing it up for consideration...

I don't know, I read you're entire post as a, "this thread is pointless, keep it to yourself." kind of tone, and I can't say I like responding to words that make me feel like a whiner. Maybe if you didn't begin your post with, "first of all, the stix can't contain your contribution, sorry."

quote:

Maybe if you didn't begin your post with, "first of all, the stix can't contain your contribution, sorry.

wait, you misunderstood. He said "those [aforementioned] topics..."
He wasn't referring to this current one.

1953, my first paragraph defended you. Though I went off-topic in parentheses, I steered back on course in the second paragraph. Perhaps that made it seem as though the first paragraph was about your post. It was not. I was agreeing with you. My apologies.

Then I figured that it's pointless to get upset over what others do when they see no wrongdoing.

Then I concluded my post by agreeing with you a second time.

Then I came back to post this clarification.

Then I decided that these types of miscommunications discourage me from posting when people are already defensive and agitated.

You're right, I did, but the rest of the post still contained that implication...whatever, I am thoroughly embarrassed, so I'll just return to being quiet.


edit.


wow, don't we give up pretty easily... (:

I often edit my posts immediately after posting them (in the window of time before the 'last edited' flag will be attached)

Anyway, of course I would give up on an argument that I wasn't having in the first place Though if that's what you're looking for, I could argue with you despite the fact that I agree.

We could invite Musiclover. It'll be a party.

The smiley face didn't send the message I wanted, I guess...I figured I sound like a huge bitch, so a smiley face would alleviate that. Guess it did the complete opposite, in making that sentence even cattier. I was definitely not looking for an argument.


Man, seriously, I will shut up...sfadsjfkl;sdfjklsd;jkgsdghsdjkfhksdlfhateliferightnow.

I, also, was joking.

I wouldn't invite musiclover to our party.

I'll do it!

hey 1953

i've no idea who you are
but i see that you live in portland

which is where i am moving too as soon as i have enough moneyes in the bankses

cool

I definitely think that it's a good idea that you posted this, as we're not mind readers. I'm gonna put myself in the camp with the people who post the MIA threads.I can assure you that they are just meant to find out if the person is okay, but I can see where you're coming from with the whole placing people above others thing. It can be quite hard to integrate yourself into an internet community, and seeing that people are already friends (which can be perceived as being cliquey or exclusive) only makes it harder.

I suppose this sort of thing often happens with good deeds (I say good deeds because that's what the threads are intended to be)- I used to send people random text messages every now and then to brighten their day, but eventually people started asking "Where's my text?", which slightly defeated the point, as I began to feel like a McDonalds DriveThru attendant.

Hmm.. This post is kinda pointless. I'm not really saying anything, apart from I understand what you mean Kaylee, and I'm sorry you feel that way.

I know what you mean 1953. I mean, it's hard to stay on top of things on here. If I leave for a couple days I have to read like 5 full threads! But I don't really know what other members of the stix can do to help that... If they spend more time on here together, they are going to have more conversation material. I just consider it my fault for not posting enough.

I regards to people having a different attitude towards less frequent posters, I guess I feel like this might happen sometimes. But not usually. I think the vast majority of people on here give everyone a relatively equal opportunity to be heard.

I guess I contributed to the "Where's so and so" threads by posting the first one I know of "Where's Andreseng," so I apologize for that. I didn't really think about how it could be exclusive at the time...



Wait, scratch everything I just said. Kaylee They hate us 'cause were both from the West Coast! Frontier haters!!!

I can see your point, Kaylee, and I think it's good that you brought this out. I'm not sure if I agree with you or not, but it's always good that when something bugs you, you bring it out to discussion. That way there's a possibility that things will get better, or that people start to think about that particular thing.

As I already said, I really don't know if I like the "Wheres is X" threads or not. I find them very sweet, and the way that people look after one another is lovely. But there is always the other side of the coin too. Not everyone gets a "Where is" thread and I agree that it might make someone feel excluded or not cared about.

It's always hard to assimilate in a new community, whether it's in the internet or IRL. Of course it is your own choise if you post alot or not, but it's not that simple. When you get reactions to your posts or people seem interested in what you have to say, it makes posting easy and you do it alot. Then again if you hardly ever get any reactions, you are not so eager to post.

I have found 'Stix a warm, welcoming place and all you people have been very kind to me. Still, I can't help feeling a bit excluded sometimes. It's only natural since many of you have known each other for years. IRL you don't necessarily have to talk all the time, you're still present even though you were silent. In the internet it doesn't work that way. If you want to get noticed, you have to speak out. I read almost everything that is posted here, but do I comment everything? Nope. Since these posts tend to get quite long, I don't always have the time, the strength or the courage to post. I can't claim everyone to give me attention even if they have no idea if I visit the forum or not. I think the only way to demolish this vicious circle is to try to give some kind of response to everybody's comments when they do post. I'm not saying that everyone should comment everyone's posts, that would be impossible, but I think it's up to everyone to check if someone get's ignored constantly. That way we'll all feel better, I guess.

Hee, I lost my point a long time ago, so maybe I'll calm down and stop typing this sensless agitation. I also floated very off-topic. Forgive me. Let's be kind and hug one another and eat some soup. I had lovely soup today and if I only could, I'd give all of you a spoonful.